Bloody Noses and Phlegm

It's been awhile. But don't worry, the sickness couldn't keep me down and I'm back on my feet again. The posts will continue to appear at their normal rate.

Well, I'm kind of on my feet again. I keep coughing things up at work, and my nose started bleeding when I went to blow it. Totally gross (Not nearly as bad as Vai's 'Bucket of Joy' after the 'Bad Tacos', but that's a whole different story) and even a little bit disarming. If anyone had seen me (I'm neatly tucked away in a corner cube here) I would have been really embarassed. The convo probably would have went something like this.

"Your nose is bleeding"
". . .Yeah"
"Are you OK?"
". . .Yeah"

Awkward Silence.

"OK"

Awkward Silence.

Person walks away and everyone feels like a weirdo for the encounter. I'm thankful I had my bloody nose in seclusion.

DO NOT apply butter or grease

Today at lunch I sat next to this emergency grab bag of what to and what not to do in case of emergency. Sadly, the above caption was included on what not to do if you find yourself with burn wounds on your skin. Who really needs this tidbit of information? Clearly, it's not just two random products that they've listed. It doesn't tell me to not apply chocolate chip cookies or blueberry pancakes to my 2nd degree burns. Because, obviously, no one would think that was a good idea. We then arrive at the truth that a fair amount of people would believe that applying grease or butter to their boiling skin is standard operating procedure. People need to be instructed against this. Survival of the Fittest has failed.

Not that I see too many burn victims, but if I do see one I hope this sign isn't around and they apply either grease or butter. Hilarity would ensue. Without question. For hours.

*Yawns*

Pretty long weekend leads to a slow start here on Monday. The temperature is finally getting low enough that it is officially cold outside. Why does the fall last for a grand total of 2 weeks? The temperature has also fallen enough that I've missed any really good weather at my alma mater, and will probably stay away from Upstate NY in the winter. I also wanted to go camping. Man, time is flying on by.

I do have things to look forward to this week, most notably a return to the trivia game on Thursday night. I hope this doesn't fall through. Trivia is fun. And I think we have a legitimate shot at taking home the gold with increased understanding of the 'Joker' round and the fact that 3 or so questions will not be about Harry Potter. Also, Monday Night Football tonight features the Jets against the Falcons. I'm not positive this is a good thing. It may just mean many more people watch the Jets offense (Operated by a 42 year old man at QB) struggle against Atlanta's stellar D. For what it's worth, Let's Go Jets!

Trivia and Cold Beer

There are few things that remind me as much about college as Trivia and Booze. If only they had Apricot Wheat at Rocky Sullivan's Pub, I'd be a permanent fixture at the contest on Thursdays. Unfortunately waking up becomes a task in and of itself when the earliest feasible bed time is around 1:30 AM (Gotta love the public transport in Greenpoint late at night) and you have to get an episode of the West Wing in before you sleep. Thankfully after waking up I wasn't hungover, just groggier than a frog.

Trivia went well with our team finishing somewhere in the middle of the road, which isn't bad considering the size of some of the other teams. I think if we had one more brain in there (5th man) that was complimentary to what Darius, Ellen, Vaiva, and I brought to the table we could have left that place with the Blue Ribbon. There's always next week, where I have guaranteed victory, although I'm not certain I'm even going to show up. I'd like to, though, as it was a jolly good time.

Subway broke down this morning, and all A,C,V, and R trains were discontinuing service to Manhattan, so I strolled into the office a little bit late. Luckily, lawyers normally don't start streaming in until about 10AM or so.

One last thing about Trivia, Liam needs to get rid of his crush on Harry Potter.

We should reunite P Pi Tornado for one last hurrah.

Theme Songs

I've been thinking about how much I like theme songs recently. I really, really like them. I like theme songs to television shows. I like theme songs to movies. I like funny theme songs. I like cheezy theme songs. I like serious theme songs.

I like theme songs that aren't even songs.

Wait, that doesn't make any sense.

I think I can remember every theme song from everything I've ever seen. Well, this isn't true. For some reason I'm struggling to think of the theme song from the Superman movies. I'm failing. All that keeps coming to mind is the Star Wars song from the credits (the only song I can play on the piano. And, I can only kind of play it. Full Disclosure: I know like 8 notes that I can play over and over again until somebody stops me) and the theme from Mighty Mouse.

But the bottom line is that I know a scary number of theme songs ranging from Chip N' Dales Rescue Rangers to Perfect Strangers to Jurassic Park. Who could forget about Gummy Bears (Bouncing here and there and everywhere) DuckTales (Whooo Ooo!) Requiem For a Dream (Scariest Song. Ever.) and the Simpsons (Doooo do do Dah dooo do do Dah dodododo)

I'll stop. You're bored with this. I know I am.

Wall St. Stop, Have a Fair Tuesday

Wow. Even the Subway conductors get to chuckle at people getting off at the Wall St. Stop. Have a 'fair Tuesday'. Could there be a limper way to wish someone well? I don't think so. At least the security guards say, 'Good Morning, Sir'. But even that can be kind of uncomfortable. Robotic. Then again, they probably say it to the tune of 10,000 times a week *Shudders*

Today as I was walking to the Train Station, I realized what the easiest job in the world is, bar none. It makes dog walker and retail store greeter and coxswain seem excruciatingly difficult. And that is the crossing guard. Wow, what an easy job. Slap on an orange vest, and help a handful of people walk across the street every day. And, it's not even all the way. They walk them half of the way there, and let them get past the other lane of traffic by themselves. I wonder what they get paid . . .

Drained

Ahh, glorious Mondays. Always full of people slowly getting up to 'work speed' after the weekend. Otherwise known as 'The Mondays', or at least referred to as such by Peter Gibbons' co-workers.

The weather is finally getting nice, albeit windy, in NYC. The sun is finally in my eyes instead of behind clouds, which is a a large improvement.

I think part of my own sluggishness has been caused by an onslaught of terrible commercials that I saw yesterday. Not to sound like an old man, but I swear commercials used to be better in my adolesence. Commercials were good enough to make me purchase things called Snaliens (A hybrid of a Snail and an Alien. Who came up with this?) and Battle Trollz (use your imagination).

And what child did not yearn to own (Can Anything Stop) The Animal? Or the Typhoon (Remote controlled hovercraft) based on the marketing alone. Who cares if you knew the real thing would not come close to the expectations of the commercials. But all these products had obscenely good commercials with great jingles and tons of disclaimers about how the product would not perform exactly as depicted in the ad.

Now commercials are full of guys with deep voices saying things that are supposed to inspire awe in the customer. Unfortunately, none of them make sense. It took me several viewings of the same commercial for NFL Sunday Ticket to let me realize despite the grandiose string of words the narrator throws together (Victory, Glorious, Courage, etc.) his statements make absolutely no sense. He just happens to have a deep voice.

I guess I should probably just start reading more.

Excuse Me, Sir, Are You Jewish?

I have been asked this question 3 times in the past week. Including twice today in the span of no more than 10 minutes.

I know, I know, I didn't take off for Yom Kippur. Weak move on my part. You don't have to rub it in my face.

I wonder what these people are recruiting Jewish people for. I think it's some sort of Jewish camp type thing. I heard them chatting with someone about it 10 feet away from me but couldn't eavesdrop enough to catch what was going on. Maybe I should just pretend I am the next time they ask me so I can find out what they have to offer. If it's super sweet, I think I'll be able to play the part. How hard could it be?

I'm sure they'll ask me on Monday. Probably 3 times. I must know the truth.

New York is starting to feel like a rainforest without the animals, plants, and nature. Which is to say it hasn't stopped raining here in a long time. Is there any hope for the weekend? Just one ray of light is all I really want. Let me know that thing in the sky is still burning.

By the way, sweet comments on my posts by people I don't know who love my blog and think that I should visit their (Transvestite Porn, most likely) websites.

Thanks, guys.

Blog IV: The Awakening

Big Up to the 0 people who read my blog.

I bet you couldn't wait til my next post.

You thought I forgot about you.

I did.


But that doesn't matter now. I'm back. At least for the day.
Today is Yom Kippur. There are no lawyers at the office today. They are all fasting. I should have just pretended to be Jewish. We already get all the big Christian Holidays off. I'm so stupid! Here's a bit of advice for anyone who has the opportunity: When in doubt, pretend to be part of a minority. They get advantages: Bonus!

It has been Gloom (York) City in NYC for the last week as a giant cloud has parked itself over the whole metropolitan area. Nothing but rain and grayness. Hopefully the sky will cheer up in the next couple days.

Anyway, folks, it's good to be back. Kind of. A little bit. Maybe.

Maybe you'll hear from me again, some day.

Writing this thing makes me feel like I'm talking to myself.